The Joke's On You
by espertortuga
Summary: Maybe Ian's overthinking things. Maybe Anthony should think before he opens his mouth. Ianthony.


"I think we should kiss each other," Anthony said out of the blue while they sat in the kitchen.

Ian began choking on his burger and coughing. "WH-WHAT?!" He exclaimed in shock at the sudden insane remark Anthony just made. "Dude, are you high or something?"

Anthony was casually scrolling through his phone then glanced up. "I mean it's just so those stupid fangirls can shut the hell up about it already and quit asking us to kiss every time I ask for Lunchtime questions."

Ian shook his head with a look of utter shock and disbelief. "What is wrong with you? If you haven't noticed we're not gay, or at least I'm not," Ian said suspiciously.

Anthony looked at him flatly. "I'm not gay. Look, I'm just saying one little kiss doesn't have to mean anything. Are you forgetting we're actors?" Ian kept looking at him strangely and Anthony continued. "Like, we can have you kiss me dressed as Antoinette or be in some other costume. Come on. It'll be funny."

Ian looked at Anthony like he was an alien from another planet. "Okay, but seriously, who the fuck are you and what've you done with Anthony?" He thought it had to be some kind of joke. I mean nobody just wants to kiss the opposite gender out of the blue, even if it was just acting.

Right?

Anthony glanced up again. "Dude, what's the big deal? It's not like I'm asking you to fuck me. I don't have _hidden feelings_ for you," he raised his hands in air quotes as he said that, "I'm just saying maybe it's something we should consider to finally get all those stupid _shippers_ or whatever they're called off our backs."

Ian laughed. "That's not really how it works. If anything they'll just think we _are_ gay and keep telling us to fuck each other; which I am not ever going to do because I'm not fucking gay." Ian was now standing after this and Anthony rolled his eyes and went back to scrolling through his phone.

"Whatever, let's forget it then."

"Thank God," Ian muttered.

~

That night Ian lay in bed tossing and turning, pulling the sheets over him and kicking them off only to repeat the process and still be left unsatisfied. He sighed and stared up at the ceiling as Anthony's words replayed in his mind. He mentally scoffed and flipped over, burying his face into the pillow. _Why would Anthony suggest something like that in the first place?_ he thought to himself. It wasn't like him to be so forward about an idea that crazy, even given the fact that a lot of their videos came extremely close to accidental on air kissing. But to suggest it out loud after years of trying to resist showing too much affection on air? It was simply too out of character of him.

Yet he couldn't stop thinking about it. What if they did have a short little kiss? It wouldn't mean anything. Hell, he's humped, molested, groped, and even kissed Anthony's hand for a video before. What difference would one short peck on the lips make?

Ian turned his head so he could breathe.

Maybe he _was_ making a bigger deal about this than he intended. Maybe he didn't see something in Anthony's plan that Anthony saw perfectly clear. Granted his logic seemed flawed at the time, but perhaps he wasn't looking at the bigger scheme of it all. Ian thought about the comments. Most of them would either say "finally!" or be flat out hate. He couldn't stand the hate comments, which is why he'd never look at the comments section at all and had Anthony do it instead. He guessed it didn't matter what people thought in the long run. They'd do this one kiss and soon many videos would pass and this would all be a long forgotten memory for the YouTube archives.

Wait a minute. Had he actually convinced himself to go through with this demented plan?! It could be career suicide. How would the crew look at him? How would the fans? What about his own mother?! Would he have to explain to over 10 million people that it was just one big joke? What about his future girlfriend? Well, he supposed it wouldn't matter to his future girlfriend if she was already his girlfriend. Dammit, he was overthinking things again.

"Awwe, fuck it. I'll do it," he muttered, growing tired of the mental debate. He flipped to the other side and fell asleep.

~

When Ian was standing in his living room weeks later watching as a man aimed a camera at him and while Anthony stood in front of him along with about eight other people in the room, he felt a sudden rolling wave in the pit of his stomach.

This was finally it. This was the scene where he and Anthony had agreed to make the dreaded kiss. They got in position and Ian felt like his mind was swimming. For some peculiar reason his mind had forced him to count down the days to this particular Tuesday afternoon. Every single night he had thought about it in some way shape or form and sometimes he had even talked himself out of it, making a mental note to call Anthony in the morning alerting him that the kiss was off, yet he would carry about his day, forgetting about how worried he was about it. Why had it become so daunting? Ian considered himself to be the spontaneous type, even with things much worse than this. He once licked his director, Ryan Todd in the face once and brushed it off with a silly laugh afterward. His eyes glanced up at Anthony just as he saw him licking his lips. The action made the gut feeling grow worse and he felt what he could only label as nausea overcome him. His face began heating up.

"Everyone in positions?" He heard Ryan say. He looked down and made sure he was standing on the taped carpet and adjusted his footing. "Scene one annnd action."

Ian let out a tiny squeak as Anthony delivered his line. He studied the way Anthony's lips moved as he spoke and the realization that those very lips, the pinkish moist lips surrounded by a tiny hint of stubble, were about to press against his own. Anthony began drawing nearer and nearer while Ian flatly delivered his line, waiting for the inevitable. Something inside him stirred and he guessed it was his heart going by the rate he felt his body flush red and his palms suddenly grow sweaty. Before he could raise his hands to his face to hide his embarrassment from the on looking crew and cameras, he found his hands on a different pair of cheeks near his own and he stiffened his face as his hands pressed against the warming cheeks of his best friend, Anthony.

Oh Jesus God, he was holding Anthony in place against his lips yet he had frozen, unable to move and now this _kiss_ was going on longer than either of them anticipated. _Fuck, Ian you stupid idiot! Just let him go!_ his mind screamed at him, but to no avail. His lips were surprisingly soft and it scared him how indifferent it was from kissing a girl. Ian was kissing a boy and the worst part about it was that _he liked it!_ His eyes remained closed and his stomach flopped around like a fish. His head swam in all kinds of crazy thoughts powered by the sudden burst of endorphins that betrayed his _straight_ brain. God, he _literally_ wasn't thinking straight. It was sudden too, that Ian realized that the feeling that coursed through him before wasn't actually nausea. It was something… strangely different.

Holy fucking shit. It was some form of attraction! This realization really wasn't helping with the situation at all, however. If anything, Ian was even more frozen in position and his hands began pressing more into the sides of poor Anthony's head uncomfortably. He vaguely felt the force on his chest pressing against him, but it wasn't until the tug against his hands as the kiss began to break that someone had opened the blinds on the window of reality and shouted through a megaphone "STOP KISSING ANTHONY, YOU DUMB FUCK" to his brain that the message finally clicked and his sweaty palms released his wide-eyed best friend, yet he too remained wide eyed as he frantically searched Anthony's face for something, anything, that told him he understood it was all an accident and that that he begged Anthony for forgiveness. That he had a major lapse in judgment and an error had been committed on his part. He was most certain a "My bad, bro," wouldn't cut it this time.

Ian panicked. His feet awkwardly scuttled backwards and he stumbled slightly when his leg hit a low table. Unable to come to any other options that didn't involve running away or faking a seizure to get out of this, he decided to jump onto the only option left.

Ian laughed. His lips curved up and he let out, not an insane laugh, or even a nervous laugh, but a laugh he used when something was so utterly amusing and he realized that his very own actions were what was amusing. Ian was laughing at himself so much he placed a hand on Anthony's shoulder and gripped his bowlishly-haired fringe with the other.

"Oh man. That was rich. That was awesome!" He exclaimed. He looked at Anthony's expression of shock and laughed harder. "Your face, dude! I just…" He now had tears in his eyes from how hard he was chortling. Anthony could barely reply and stuttered as he tried to find the right words. "Do we need another take of this or are we good?" Ian looked at the crew who were now petrified in their positions. "I'm not gonna have any problems kissing you ever after _this_," Ian assured Anthony. "Come on, let's try that again, Ian smiled.

~

That night Anthony lay in bed tossing and turning, pulling the sheets over him and kicking them off only to repeat the process and still be left unsatisfied.

Perhaps the joke was now on him.


End file.
